Hey Doctors, Stop Gaslighting us!

So, the strangest thing happened to me recently. After moving to a new neighbourhood, I felt it was time to register with yet another GP. Routinely, my expectations were low as I braced myself for the usual defeat. Imagine my surprise, therefore, when my new doctor not only took me seriously, she refrained from gaslighting me.

Amazing, right? Yet, how dismal that I had become so accustomed to being disbelieved and dismissed by GPs and specialists, that in addition to expecting it, I was dumbfounded when it didn’t happen.

My new GP took the time to ask questions and kept delving deeper to the heart of the issue, wanting to unpack a variety of ideas (including unconventional ones), which is something I had seldom experienced, despite a history of some serious health problems.

Best of all — she believed me. She trusted that, y’know, it’s my body so I probably have a pretty good insight into the reality of my symptoms. After eight years of trying to be heard and taken seriously by ANY medical professional for a debilitating neurological injury, finally someone was, not only hearing me, but also determined to find answers.

Now listen, I do get it. Doctors are under the pump, having to deal with all manner of people and ailments. I can only imagine how excessively needy and demanding some patients are. I have much respect for anyone with the smarts and discipline for such a profession.

But, here’s the thing. All the knowledge in the world isn’t an excuse to keep dismissing on a whim as if dealing with fifth graders in the school office. Most of us have better things to do with our time than to pay a hefty fee just to make shit up.

Apparently it’s so commonplace for doctors to discredit their patients, the term medical gaslighting has emerged, which is clearly telling of how big a problem it has become.

Sadly, such practices tend to be coupled with other problematic behaviour also. In a large support group to which I belong, at least 50 members report that nearly every incidence of gaslighting has been accompanied by indifference, hastiness and gross assumption — an experience to which I can strongly relate.

As a result, there appears to be a growing collective view of the medical world which is pessimistic to say the least. Many have given up on their own recoveries and refuse to spend any further time or money on treatment or advice and, like me, have historically had more success via their own research and experimentation.

Please understand though, the expectation is not for special treatment; to be molly coddled, pitied or indulged within an inch of our lives. Just a little less of the cold, clinical, know-all approach and a modicum of warmth, genuine interest and to be taken seriously for a moment is all it’s gonna take.

Thankfully, my new doctor is the prime example that it is absolutely possible. In a matter of weeks, she has found more answers about my injury than others have in years. She’s made me feel heard, supported and a little like we’re a partnership rather than a dictatorship. I honestly feel she is on my side, and it’s changed my life.

So, if she can harvest such nurturing relationships with her patients, why can’t others do the same? After all, isn’t quality bedside manner the mark of a great doctor?