Etiquette Anxiety
The Painful Truth of Authenticity
As we’ve collectively witnessed our social lives fade away in the era of COVID, many of us have observed our social anxieties dissipate alongside them. Yet, while the pressure might be temporarily suspended, the time for re-evaluating the way we interact is most certainly now.
Whether environmental, financial or behavioral, this tenacious virus has continued to cast a light on all that is wrong with the way things were in the modern world, and to my mind, social etiquette is no exception.
We’ve already seen the kiss hello and good old handshake default to the chopping block thanks to rule bound distancing, and while this relieves the awkwardness of determining an interaction as kiss worthy or only shake appropriate, it has given rise to new discomfort around who is subscribing to these burgeoning rules and who is still ploughing on as before.
Yet, more pressing than trivial greeting customs, is the need to reconsider which parts of ourselves are deemed publicly acceptable and those which are not. In other words, the toxic positivity that has saturated our culture for far too long.
I remember being in my late teens when I realised most people didn’t want the truth when they asked how I was. Rather, they wanted polite, unemotional and surface nonsense, regardless if it reflected reality or not. Anything else created a whole world of unease. There was a game to play, I noted, and it usually involved lying.
Into adulthood it was apparent that, although a more truthful answer was tolerated by a select few close relationships, telling someone face-to-face you disagreed with them or that they hurt or annoyed you was so taboo it was either reserved only for intimate partners or immediate family, or would likely result in the connection being severed or permanently strained.
The culture was clear. Be positive, light and agreeable or face the consequences. The theory was proven when I lost friendships after daring to veer from the formula. In all scenarios, neither party could cope with the tension left in the wake of the truth, because we’d been raised to avoid it.
I was certainly no exception. When the roles were reversed, I would wind up with an ego so bruised or feelings so offended, it generally spelt the beginning of the end, whether friendship or professional affiliation.
With skin so thin, it’s no wonder social anxiety made its way through my door and the doors of millions of others as we’re continually expected to be disingenuous, phoney versions of ourselves, where speaking truth and being authentic is, much of the time, considered a flaw and an affront.
I envy those brainwash-free cultures who can be direct and not pussy foot around life, who most often know where they stand with one another, as opposed to airing the truth only behind the backs of others. Sure, there might be arguing and at times, hostility, but at least their feelings aren’t repressed, causing them to fester into long term resentment and bitterness.
However, regardless of our culture, I think we can all agree that at this time of being forced apart, we need one another like never before. Yet, no longer should anything but the real deal suffice. It’s time for authenticity — warts and all — and to bid farewell to those cherry picked, hollow courtesies that for decades have left us drained, divided and totally unfulfilled.
Originally published at https://www.rosslarkin.net.
